Preparation: Day 2: Exercise Routine

By a strange coincidence (although not technically a coincidence since I blatantly knew about the promotion for weeks), my work is having 100 days of fitness through *********america.org. I did not sign up since I didn't have this vicious brainstorm until a few days ago. However, the promotion already has begun and I'm not allowed to join up (plus, it costs 15 bucks for some reason). Well, if they won't have me because they are "proper procedure" nazis, then I'll be my OWN "health and wellness" nazi! I don't need them, and their crappy "free" t-shirt for participation! I'll make my OWN t-shirts! And they'll be cooler! With blood and guitars and a Nintendo Wii controller on fire.

Also, in other news, I'm looking for "New Life Cafe" at 26 S Hanover St. If anyone can find this elusive address, please let me know. Recording studio/organic foods equals perfect for the TC on the move. More importantly, today is exercise day...


Exercise Routine

For me, exercise is pointless and boring if it has no objective and the movements are lame. This is why I have chosen a more sedentary lifestyle filled with writing, composition of music, and hardcore video game enthusiasm. There is nothing more fulfilling then finally finishing that last impossible song Rock Band, or rolling up all my cousins in Katamari Damacy or destroying every extremely tough boss in Astro Boy: Omega Factor or conquering the BloodMoon expansion in Morrowind as a werewolf, or more recently, winning a well-planned game of Puerto Rico by ONE victory point. Nothing at all. This is why exercise has always taken a backseat to personal entertainment. Why be Bruce Lee for real, when it's much easier and less painful to be him in a video game?

Well, this attitude of mine will have to change... somewhat. I still subscribe to the notion that exercise for exercises sake is just boring as hell. However, instead of belaboring that sentiment and crying as I painstakingly engage in all sorts of stupid exercises for 91 days, I will choose to enjoy myself as much as possible while exercising. If I HAVE to exercise, I might as well make it feel less like pounding nails into my knee caps and eye-sockets. How, you dumbly ask? I'll tell you.

I will be exercising in game form. The most likely candidates come in the form of Dance Dance Revolution and the drum set in Rock Band. I will spend one full hour dancing my heart out to colored arrows, improving my health and my coordination. I just so happen to rock at DDR, by the way. When Wii Fit comes out (in August?), I will immediately purchase it, and begin centering my mind and body. I will rock out at band practices, swinging my hips and guitar sensuously to the music, just as I will rock out in Rock Band on the drums. I will never turn down a game of racketball, basketball, hockey, fencing, or soccer (I will ALWAYS turn down baseball, boxing, and Apples to Apples, damn it!). And even though it is not a game, I enjoy bicycling, so you will probably see me peddling at high speeds in downtown Carlisle... winking knowingly at everyone. It will be awesome!

To leave my comfort zone and challenge myself, I will be searching for a good exercise video or two. Hopefully I can find something that has less dancing and more ass-kicking, and also something that will firm up my butt for those that happen to squeeze it later (I'm knowingly winking at everyone!). Until, I feel comfortable with the silliness I always feel while attempting these videos, I will lock myself in my room, turn out all the lights and hope no one notices the noises I'm making.

Then, there's the usual. I can't avoid it. I will be push-upping and sit-upping to higher and higher numbers; this way at least it "feels" like a high-score game as I attempt more and more each day. Two years ago I hit 52 push-ups in one rep, if I remember correctly, and this time I'm going to shoot for 70 in one rep. Sit-ups... I can pretty much do these until my abs burst, so I'll most likely be adding weight to my chest and focusing more on the burn of each crunch than any numbers.

Maybe, as time continues, or if someone else joins me at an appointed time, I will become a member of a gym and attempt some weight-lifting. The problem is that my left elbow, over the course of a normal thirty minute workout, starts to become excruciatingly painful. This is because in college I owned a pair of Heely sneakers with the wheel in the heels. As I was coming out of work (call center customer service), I ran across the parking lot and assumed the proper Heely balance "Shaggy" position with one foot out in front and one bent to the back, kind of like a still shot of Shaggy from Scooby Doo's walk cycle. I overcompensated for the speed, my legs came together and fell directly on my elbow. Long story short, my long-term girlfriend refused to have sex with me for 8 months, and I still have a piece of wire drilled through my elbow. This means that if I overdo it on one occasion, I am usually out of commission for the next few days and my elbow looks a tad bluer. Gym is optional, but exercise is a must. Plus, my mother has just purchased a Leg Magic exercise system, so I should be able to crack walnuts between my thighs after 91 days.

Most physical trainers help their clients target certain muscle groups on a rotational basis. Whether it means sectioning out the week into an upper and lower body muscle schedule, or focusing on cardiovascular work-outs between lifting sessions, variety is needed to help tone the entire human being. Full body work-outs, such as DDR and Tae-Bo will be helpful, but I will need to vary my habits. By keeping track of my progress in my diet blog and charts, there will be no doubt that I should be bicycling if I've been Sweatin to the Oldies three days in a row. I will definitely be focusing on cardio, as this will allow my heart rate to increase and induce glorious amounts of sweating, burning calories, burning fat cells, and oozing testosterone and all those enjoyable pheromones.

And, although I want shiny new abs for my birthday, the key is that I just STAY ACTIVE. The worst thing I can do is sit and play video games for 6 hours, then get up at 11 PM because I HAVE to, exercise for 45 minutes, do a few push-ups and then collapse in bed. Morning stretching and exercise promotes a healthy, sweat-driven day. There's a reason why you sweat all day at work, when you've had a work-out beforehand. You're muscles are still twitching with that kinetic energy, primed and pumped for more action. This also means that I will be commencing my exercise routine much earlier in the evening, so that I reap all of the benefits.

The most important piece of the Food Pyramid is proper exercise. Without that, I could start randomly passing kidney stones, die of heart failure, or worse... never be hot! That is a fate that this geek will not succumb to any time soon.

3 more days till teh hotness levels on TC start going up. Tomorrow, Strengthening of the Mind...


My preparations for today include: Sit-ups and Push-ups to warm up my stomach and chest with the initial pain of actually being used. I will also try Leg Magic in the living room.